Anti-America’s Top Ten Countdown: March 9, 2025 Edition
It’s that time of the week again: Sunday. That means it’s time for the Top! Ten! Countdown! During this segment, I count down the top ten most important news stories of the week that every progressive needs to know about. It’s always imperative to stay informed, is it not? Here we go. Countdown number ten!
Exterior view of the hospital at which Pope Francis is being treated. Image taken from the New York Times.
10: CONCLAVE TIME?
It’s been public knowledge for a while that Pope Francis is in dire straits health-wise. As hard as it may be for many to believe, he has been a relatively progressive Pope by the Catholic Church’s standards. That being said, I’ve been to a lot of r/news threads about the Pope’s health, many of which have ended up getting locked. It’s no secret that Redditors are, by and large, not fans of religion in general, but especially the Catholic Church. And lots of these criticisms, such as the suppression of womens’ rights and the internal sex abuse scandals, are legitimate. I’m not religious myself, nor do I think the Pope is a particularly good person. But I still wouldn’t wish double pneumonia on anyone that age. And I hope he recovers, if only because his replacement might be worse. Francis, born Jorge Mario Bergoglio, might recover. But if he doesn’t, then the film Conclave will prove to be very timely indeed. Countdown number nine.
Rep. Al Green (D-TX) shouting during Trump’s speech. Image taken from People.com.
9: GREEN MAKES A SCENE
So Trump recently gave his first address to Congress of his second term. For whatever reason, it’s not considered a State of the Union. Of course, I didn’t actually watch it - I didn’t want to give Mango Mussolini any more ratings than necessary. Al Green, a Democratic Congressman from Texas, actually showed a spine for once. He relentlessly called out Trump during his speech, causing a disturbance that was (and is) very important. In practical terms, there’s only so much the Democrats can do to stop Trump’s fascist agenda, but they don’t need to normalize it. Green was even willing to face censure by the House at large. Of course, it’s not like being censured means much on its own, but I still consider Al Green a profile in courage. He took what the base wants to heart and for that I applaud him. The same cannot be said of the people I’ll discuss for countdown number eight.
Congressional Democrats silently “protesting” Trump’s speech. Image taken from Reuters.
8: PROFILES IN COWARDICE
Look at that picture. That’s most of the Democratic caucus in the House of Representatives. Even if they are powerless legislatively, they can still hold sway in the “court of public opinion”, an opportunity they’ve totally squandered. Instead of making a fuss at Trump’s speech, they held up signs. Someone on BlueSky said it looked like they were bidding on fascism at a silent auction. And honestly, that’s exactly what it looks like. Democratic Senator Elissa Slotkin (D-MI) gave the official response to the speech, which was equally feckless - she literally praised Ronald Reagan during it. All of the Democratic leadership needs to go, and this party needs to be burned to the ground. Whatever rises from the ashes could not possibly be more incompetent than the party that managed to lose to Donald fucking Trump, TWICE! Slotkin’s pandering to “Reagan Republicans” shows Democrats learned nothing from the 2024 election. If they don’t stop this, they will never win again, and they might not deserve to. Countdown number seven.
Phil Keoghan, host of “The Amazing Race.” Image taken from IMDB.
7: BREAD AND CIRCUSES
Here’s a non-political story for you guys. As of March 9, 2025, The Amazing Race 37 has aired one episode. It’s a glorious and perfect episode that greatly excited me. I’m not going to spoil which teams got eliminated - that’s public knowledge anyway. But I maintain that this show is much better than New Era Survivor. The latter show feels the same every season, because it’s now only 26 days, there’s very little conflict between players thanks to the impact of social media, and it’s always on the same beaches in Fiji. Seriously, would it kill them to go somewhere else for a change? Okay, apparently so. The fact remains that The Amazing Race will never get old to me, since every season has different tasks and locations. And I’m really thrilled to see this season through to the end. Countdown number six!
A picture I took of egg prices at my local Whole Foods in suburban Boston.
6: EGGING US ON
Remember when Trump promised during the 2024 campaign that egg prices would go down as soon as he got elected? Well, to put it bluntly, they haven’t. I’ve been doing most of the grocery shopping for my family lately, and a dozen eggs at my local store was $12. They’re only letting each customer take three packages at a time, too, which is fair. The reason for this is of course the bird flu, which Trump has done nothing about and will not do anything about. Why not? It’s simple - his second term is dedicated to revenge against the Americans who rejected him in 2020. That’s why it was imperative not to elect him this time. Meanwhile, Canada is laughing at us because they’re safe from these egg prices due to their actual leadership. Now, they’re not JUST laughing at us, but we’ll get to that later. I’m so jealous. Countdown number five.
Fivey Fox, Nate Silver’s fursona.
5: FIVE-THIRTY-GONE
As of a few days ago, Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight, a website dedicated to forecasting elections using polls and fundamentals, is officially no more. It truly is the end of an era. No longer will we be able to access their insight and use their interactive maps to determine what election outcome is most likely in the United States. Now, some people are saying that it’s anticipatory obedience to Donald Trump for publishing polls he doesn’t like. I mean, we all remember when Trump threatened to sue Ann Selzer for putting out a poll showing him losing Iowa by 3 points. Even though he ultimately won Iowa by 13 points, he’s such a sore winner that he couldn’t handle Selzer being wrong. Think about that. But whether this is bowing down to Trump or simply due to economy-related layoffs, it’s a sad day for the polling industry and statisticians everywhere. Countdown number four.
YouTube Thumbnail for “I Brought You Tariffs” by the Parody Project, a parody of “I Shot The Sheriff” by Bob Marley.
4: I BROUGHT YOU TARIFFS
The trade war between the United States on one side, and the civilized world on the other, has escalated. As such, many people in the great white north have been proudly buying Canadian, and tensions between the two countries have increased. It’s gotten so intense, in fact, that the Premier of Manitoba will take American alcohol off shelves in his province. Now, I don’t blame him, especially since most Canadians won’t buy it anyway. That being said, I think it’s important to note that this is very one-sided, at least morally speaking. If we hadn’t elected Donald Trump, we would not have started such an unnecessary trade war. It would not have begun without Trump, and it will not end until Trump is out of power. That’s not to say that Canadians will ever trust us again - which I don’t blame them for after Trump’s threatened to annex their country on numerous occasions. Speaking of which…
“Boo’d Off The Stage”, a Duel minigame from Mario Party 6.
3: BOO’D OFF THE STAGE
Remember when Trump said that America would be respected again around the world? Well, as with many other things, he was lying. The world is laughing at us sometimes, but they’re mostly mad at us. I still remember that US-Canada hockey game with three brawls in the first ten seconds - it’s my Discord banner in fact. More recently, there was this WWE event in Toronto at which Canadians loudly booed the American national anthem. And again, I do not blame them in the slightest. I normally couldn't care less about who wins at a professional sporting event; it really isn’t my cup of tea. But I still think this event is notable for an exhibit of just how far US-Canada relations have fallen, and I don’t think they’re likely to recover even after Trump is gone. Countdown number two.
Disgraced former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin being sentenced in 2021 for the murder of George Floyd. Image taken from the New York Times.
2: WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT ELON (AGAIN)
The other day, Elon Musk, who is effectively President of the United States at this point, called for a pardon of Derek Chauvin. Chauvin, of course, is the former police officer convicted of murdering George Floyd back in May 2020. This pardon (which would not, strictly speaking, result in Chauvin being freed from state prison) would be a disgusting enough act on its own. Trump claims he’s not considering the pardon, but we can’t rule it out, particularly because of the protests it would generate. These protests would be used as a pretext for martial law, which Project 2025 explicitly says he’ll try to do. And again, if you didn’t believe he’d try to implement Project 2025, you are an idiot of the highest order. So he’s going to declare martial law, and the streets will run red. Countdown number one.
Crocus City Hall in Moscow, Russia, a cautionary tale of what happens when you don’t listen to intelligence. Image taken from Wikipedia.
1: IN THE DARK
Well, it’s happening. The US’ former allies have decided that they will share less intelligence with America. Again, I don’t blame them - with Russian agent Tulsi Gabbard as the Director of National Intelligence, they have to assume that any intelligence they share with us might end up in Russian hands. If there’s a major terrorist attack on American soil in the next few years, you know exactly who to blame. And, much like the potential pardon of Derek Chauvin, this may well be part of the plan to declare martial law and crack down on protests. Truth be told, I don’t think a 9/11-style attack would unite the country anymore like it did in 2001; instead, half the country will pretend to believe it didn’t happen at all. We’re well and truly fucked, and to the pro-Palestine people who didn’t vote for Harris: I hope it was worth it.
